4 things year 24 taught me.

When I first started blogging, it was used as an outlet during a tough time in my life. In turn, it ended up being a go-to blog for other women and even men that were experiencing or have experienced the same things I was going through. For a long time, I thought I was alone in a struggle that I never imagined I’d be in. I fell into a deep depression that I never spoke about because let’s be honest, how can I say I’m depressed when I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and family and friends that love and protect me at all cost. After a while, I felt like even though I was finding a healthy way to deal with everything going on, I still wasn’t happy. Everyone sees me as the girl that has it all together and always has a smile on her face when in reality, I had no fucking clue what I was doing with my life. I did what I thought I needed to do, but in my heart, I knew it wasn’t what I was passionate about. I stopped blogging and just decided to take some time to myself and gather my thoughts and make sure I had a clear mind so that I can deliver content that I love and that I know my readers would enjoy. I didn’t expect it to take me over a year to do this, but I’m glad to be back.

Year 24 has been about finding myself, learning how to love me again and improving my mental health. There’s such a negative stigma that is associated with mental health and for months I just ignored it. I didn’t want to be seen as “crazy” and I definitely didn’t want to be on any medications. After a while, I started to find other ways to cope with all that I’ve experienced. When things happen in your life, you never really know how it affects you until you’re alone with your thought. After everything that has happened, I’ve changed the way I deal with conflict in order to protect my mental health. I’ve learned that you have to put your own happiness over history. No matter how long you’ve known someone, they can still hurt you, and sometimes more than any stranger could.

Be selfish.

Year 24 has taught me to be selfish with time and who I allow to enter and stay in my life. There’s no better feeling than knowing that you’re surrounded by love and people that want nothing but the best for you. Don’t hold on to someone that’s toxic just to alleviate your loneliness. Your time is priceless, and your mental health is worth so much more.

Don’t stress about what you can’t control.

If you’re a perfectionist like me, then this is the LAST thing you want to hear, but I’ll say it anyways; STOP STRESSING ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER! We’re wired to try to control every little detail of our lives but to be honest, it almost impossible. Sometimes things get thrown into the mix that you don’t expect, and you can’t do anything about it but watch it play out and hope for the best.

Make realistic goals.

By age 16 I had my entire life planned out. Year 24 was the year I set to get my entire life in order. I was supose to be graduating pharmacy school, I’d purchase my 1st car on my own, (white range rover with peanut butter seats) and I’d at least have some sort of love interest Lets all laugh at my foolishness.

Forgive yourself.

Now I know I’m not the only one that beats themselves up when things don’t go EXACTLY how we planned. I’ve made so many terrible decisions that I knew weren’t going to benefit my life in any way shape or form, yet I still did it. For weeks even months at a time, I’d continuously replay each scenario and wonder what I could do differently and what would happen if I just didn’t do what I did. I started completing various Bible reading plans that were very helpful in teaching me how to forgive myself as well as others. I learned how to let go of the grudges I held against myself and those that have wronged me. In order to live a genuinely happy life, you have to be at peace with yourself and to do that you have to be willing to forgive. Now some people may also say you need to forget as well, but let’s be honest, we’re human, how much forgetting can we do?

LW

She wasn’t you.

We’re always in search of the next best thing; sometimes the best is looking at us in your face.

In relationships, men stray for various reasons, let me save you the trouble by saying each and every excuse is complete bullshit so don’t even feed on those lies, sis. Now when a woman strays, she looking for that loving and emotional connection that her asshole of a boyfriend isn’t giving to her, so technically it’s not her fault.

As you all may know already, my past relationships have been rocky. Regardless of who was at fault in why the relationship ended *cough cough, him* I learned something from every one of them. But the most important thing I can say I learned is that I’m the shit. (You’re probably thinking ‘who the hell does this girl think she is?’ But hear me out.) I know I’m the shit, and I refuse to allow any of these naive men to treat me any less than that.

Over these past few month, I’ve had a few of my old suitors come back into my life. Now when I was young and dumb, I thought it was a sign. You know that whole “if you love him, let him go and if he comes back, it was meant to be.” Please, please, please, don’t believe that nonsense. If a dude is dumb enough to cheat on you or leave you in search of “better” YOU DONT NEED HIM! A better philosophy would be “If you love him, let him go and when he comes back, STUNT ON HIS ASS, SIS.” Don’t you dare be the receptacle for somebody else’s trash.

The mouthpiece these men have developed over the years are incredible. They can tell you the sky is green and the earth is flat, and you’d believe it because they make such a convincing argument. You have to know yourself and realize that you deserve better than a shitty apology and the whole “she wasn’t you” spiel. No two people are alike, so leaving me then telling me you want another chance because she wasn’t me isn’t close to being a good enough reason. Of course, she wasn’t me, I’m one in a million, I’m a damn unicorn. There were millions of elements that were involved in creating ‘me,’ so trust and believe me when I say no one will EVER be me. Actually, write me a 5-page paper, 12 pt font, single spaced, APA format on how “she wasn’t me,” and I just might consider it.

How can you think deserting me for someone else and coming back boohooing about how she was different and you didn’t really like her, and she’s crazy and telling me she did this and she did that and blah blah blah. WHO THE HELL CARES?! You walked out of my life because you thought I wasn’t good enough for you and you thought your new arm piece was going to be better. Everything you wanted was right here, but you wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side. And guess what? ALL YOU GOT WAS A PILE OF HAY! Enjoy.

I don’t understand how some men can maneuver through life as if karma doesn’t exist. How can you feel comfortable treating women like shit when you have a mother, sisters, cousins, and nieces. Karma may not hit you directly, but it could hit one of your loved ones. How can you sleep at night knowing that you’re the cause of their problems? I’m sure like a baby, little devils.

But listen, sis. Just continue to live your life, continue flourishing, keep your skin glowing and don’t lower your standards for someone that couldn’t see how valuable you were when they had you. He saw a mirage of a better life with someone else, and it turned out to be a troll holding fools gold. Now I know that sometimes men make mistakes, and they do mean it when they say they’re “sorry,” but you have to look deep inside yourself and decide if this is someone worth your time and attention. Will your peace be disrupted if you accept him back? Will he leave again when another mirage appears? Now it’s your turn to write the 5-page paper. Is he worth it?

-L